When Love Confuses Itself with Usefulness
Relationships that Hold You vs. Those that Drain You
This November, in tune with Scorpio season and its themes of transformation, death, and rebirth, everything in me feels as if it’s shifting again. My personal and professional paths are woven together; helping others reconnect with their inner compass requires radical honesty with my own process.
I. The Illusion of the Master
No real master has ever called themselves one.
Some of the thinkers who shaped my life — Krishnamurti, Simone de Beauvoir, Mother Teresa, Hypatia of Alexandria, Carl Jung, Julia Cameron, Rumi — shared a single truth: an awareness of being part of the whole. Their wisdom didn’t place them above anyone; it placed them beside everyone.
Each said, in their own way, “You already know. Here is a tool. Test it. Doubt it. Make it yours.” True teachers awaken your curiosity, not your dependency.
II. The Spirituality That’s Spoken but Not Lived
The deeper I walk into spiritual spaces, the more I notice a quiet dissonance. Many speak the path; few embody it.
Living it means accepting that the ego doesn’t dissolve. It still wants to be right, to be admired, to control the narrative. And when spirituality becomes hierarchy or performance, it loses its soul. Sharing wisdom does not make anyone superior. Your experience is valuable, but not more valuable than another’s.
Demystifying the “spiritual guide” feels urgent, because many seekers arrive here in vulnerability. That’s where idealization and projection grow easily. It’s not evil, just unconsciousness. The ego can wear a halo too.
III. How to Discern Relationships That Hold You
The line between a nourishing connection and one that depletes you is subtle, but your body always recognizes it.
Ask yourself:
Do they listen, or do they correct?
Do they witness, or do they push you to fix?
Can you show your process, or must you look “fine” to be loved?
Do they hold you, or do they mold you?
Believing in human goodness doesn’t make you naïve. It makes you discerning. When you notice that a relationship drains you, don’t turn it into a doctrine. Learn what you need to learn, honor the role it played, and release it. Choosing what holds you isn’t selfish, it is soul hygiene.
IV. Returning to Yourself
Your timing is sacred. Your choices can shift. Heraclitus said it long before we did: the only constant is change. You are evolving cells, a consciousness in motion, a compass that keeps recalibrating itself. Learning to live in that movement, without guilt, without rushing, is an act of love. It has taken me 34 years to reach this point: to love myself without external validation, to trust my process, to remain a student of existence. The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. Nurture it with the same devotion you offer others. Bonds that sustain you will bloom naturally from that inner soil.
We are not transactions. We are co-creations of energy.
We are meant to admire each other, not consume each other.
In my next reflection, I’ll dive into depression as the body’s cry to be heard, how antidepressants affect you, and how Human Design can guide us back to emotional truth and soul connection.
With love,
Maria Luisa.
